Tuesday, 29 December 2015

Travel Diaries: Honolulu

Out of all the places on that are on my itinerary, this is one place that I was more ecstatic to visit than the rest.

As I mentioned in my previous post, my love for this place stemmed from a rather unusual place.

In 2002 I was 10 years old and Disney released a film that swiftly became one of my favourite films ever. 

Lilo and Stitch. 

For some reason I absolutely fell in love with the character Stitch. My parents would argue it's because me and him have a lot of similarities. An over active, aggravating, angry little monster with a heart of gold.

I don't see it. 

However I still couldn't get over my obsession for this film.

Whenever we visited Disney in Orlando, I would come back with copious amounts of Stitch themed memorabilia. T-shirts, hats, cuddly toys, pins, mugs, shoes, footballs, baseballs, literally anything that has Stitch's face printed on it...I either had it or wanted it.

Something that this film did for me was not only cause my parents to spend a ridiculous amount of money on Stitch memorabilia, but it also sparked my interest/love for Hawaii.

I do find it odd how a Disney film can spark my love for a place halfway across the world from me but I guess that is just the beauty of art.

So we arrived. 

Finally after thirteen years of me wishing I could somehow get to Hawaii I was suddenly stepping foot on to one of these Islands. 

Honolulu. Situated in the island of Oahu. 

Here I was. 

At first when you think of Hawaii, you think of tropical beaches, palm trees, surfing, lei necklaces, tiki decor, you think of everything that western civilisation portrays Hawaii to be. Which is exactly what I expected.

I was wrong.

It's a city.

Sky scrapers, busy streets, shops, traffic etc to me it was like New York City on a different island.

I was a bit underwhelmed if i'm completely honest.

I think part of the reason I was underwhelmed is because I had been blessed with seeing the beauty of the French Polynesian islands and they are in a completely separate league to anywhere else.

But I was determined to see the Hawaii I wanted to see.

So we rented a car and drove to the famous "North Shore" of Oahu. Famous for it's ridiculously massive waves and a hot spot for surfers all around the globe. The North Shore also plays host to some of the most renowned surfing competitions.

This was what I wanted.

Me and the people I was with bought some beers, some food and pulled up in our car to a popular beach and just watched the surfers out practicing their craft as the sun set.

It was bliss.

However, this was not my favourite experience of Hawaii....that's next to come.

Next Stop: Lahaina, Hawaii


Sunday, 20 December 2015

Travel Diaries: A Farewell To French Polynesia

I never thought in a million years that I would ever have the opportunity to visit some of the French Polynesian islands.

I mean granted part of the reason is because I never actually knew they existed until I saw my itinerary for this contract ( I never was any good at geography) however, I would never have pictured myself there.

And so to not only have to have found myself exploring some of the most phenomenal islands but to simultaneously be doing my dream job is completely mind boggling.

My experiences around some of these islands were my first experiences off of the ship.

They were the first islands I had visited where I felt like I was in a completely different world.

They were the first places I realised that I was doing exactly what I had set out to achieve.

They hold some precious memories for me.

When we eventually sailed away from Moorea, which was our last port in these islands, I struggled to not get a little bit emotional.

For two reasons.

1) I was gutted to be leaving islands which not only held extremely fond memories for me but were also partnered with picture perfect idyllic natural beauty

2) I was extremely excited to be heading towards our next destination.

A place I have always wanted to visit ever since I was younger.


My love for Hawaii came hand in hand with my love for a certain disney film and character.

Lilo and Stitch.

I know it sounds ridiculous, how could I possibly love an island I had never visited just from a Disney film?

Well to be completely honest I have no idea.. it just kind of happened.

And so to be on my way to somewhere I had always dreamed of visiting was surreal.

Initially when I got my contract through, I saw the word "Hawaii" on it and was instantly sold to the idea of taking it.

That's how much I have wanted to visit. I kind of didn't care about anywhere else we visited, I simply just had to see Hawaii.

The day we were due to arrive I was like a child (or like I still am to be honest) before christmas. I could barely sleep I was so excited.

We docked, I did my duties and I got off.

I had arrived.

Next stop: Honolulu, Hawaii


Monday, 14 December 2015

Travel Diaries: Moorea

My day in Moorea was an unforgettable experience.

Before we had arrived, I had heard talk amongst several of the passengers on board who have visited these south pacific islands before hand saying that Moorea's beauty was incomparable to that of Tahiti, Papeete, Bora Bora, Rangiroa etc.

In my last posts about those islands I expressed how amazingly picturesque and stunning all of those islands were, so I found it hard to comprehend how something could possibly top all of that.

I woke up to the sound of the anchor plummeting several thousand feet to the ocean floor.

We had arrived. 

Due to rehearsal period still being around, I had to be back on board at a certain time and so I got up extremely early to make the most of my day here.

This port was a tender port, meaning we had to catch a tender boat (or smaller boat) from our ship to the island.

Before hand however I went up to one of the top decks to try and take in the panoramic view of this island.

I was blown away.

In the centre of my view was this gargantuan mountain. Mouaputa, which translates to "Shark Tooth" in the Polynesian language. This mountain is most famous for having a hole straight through the centre of it. According to the locals, the hole was formed when the demigod Pai tossed his magic spear from Tahiti to prevent Rotui (Mountain) being carried off the island to Raiatea (another island) by the god of thieves known as Hilo.

So it's a pretty spectacular mountain with a pretty spectacular story to go with it.

And so I eagerly rushed to get changed and got off the ship.

I was blessed with the company of our female singer and her sister, who was visiting her whilst going around these islands.

We walked towards a local market that was just on the shore and a lady approached us asking if we would like to take a tour of the island.

"The Lady in Blue" she called herself.

I'm guessing it's because everything she was wearing was blue and the majority of the interior of her taxi was blue.....but I could be wrong?

As we whizzed around the island, she gave me valuable knowledge about the island, it's history, how they prepare for monsoons, the local trade industry amongst many many other things.

She explained to me how the island of Moorea and in fact the majority of the south pacific islands such as Bora Bora, Tahiti etc are sinking.

Sinking? I'm currently on an island that is sinking?

She explained how it was happening mere millimetres per year and that it will take many many thousands of years before it had all disappeared.

However, the fact that I have set foot on an island that eventually will cease to kind of cool.

The lady in blue took us to a local jam farm where we tried to most tastebud tantalising jams that were made from local produce.

She then took us too a place called O Roto Nui or "The Belvedere".

This place provided the most mind blowing view of Moorea and the most incredible view I have ever seen period.

Way up on top of this mountain there was a chain link fence that had padlocks, much like the famous bridge in Amsterdam, where couple who had ventured up here put a padlock to signify their love.

My day in Moorea happened to fall on the day of my four year anniversary with my boyfriend.

I had no padlock.

So I improvised and made a makeshift padlock.

I wished for nothing more than to have him here beside me the entire day and so, to show my love and respect for not only our relationship, but for him as the boy who makes me feel complete, I left a makeshift padlock on top of the belvedere in Moorea.

A little piece of our love is thousand and thousands of miles away from our home.

But to me, It shows that no matter how far away we are from each other our bond is still strong.

Strong enough to stand on top of a mountain that overlooks the shark tooth mountain of Moorea and be present forever more.

My day in Moorea was so special to me.

I will never forget it.

Next Stop, Honolulu - Hawaii


Tuesday, 8 December 2015

Travel Diaries: Raitea

am being completely and utterly spoilt right now. 

The places that I have visited in the past week alone have been absolutely stunning. 

Nothing I have ever seen quite amounts to the natural beauty that is in the French Polynesian islands. These places are so remote with little to no industrial areas that the beauty is able to be experienced from wherever you go on the islands.

Shortly after we departed from Bora Bora we went to another island called Raitea. 

A relatively small island with cascading mountains, stunning scenery and very little industrial areas.

There was a very small marketplace with a couple of bars, I saw one supermarket and one fuel garage and that was about it.

However, even with the lack of commerical things to do, I was eager to get off of the ship.

I popped into a local bar in order to get wifi just to update my loved ones that I was fine and well and then shortly after I was looking for an adventure.

I find it strange how some people are able to visit these exotic places and only appreciate them from either:

the view from the pool deck
the view from a window
the immediate surroundings that you encounter when off of the ship

In every port I have visited so far, I have tried to venture out and have some sort of adventure.

So that is what I did. 

Myself and two other members of my cast booked on to a snorkelling tour.

A local man and his wife took us off of the mainland to a completely remote small island just off shore. 

As we stepped off of the boat on to the dock, a giant sting ray swam right by us and a group of other passengers from the ship were pointing him out to us.

We circled about half of the island and then set up a base and got changed into our snorkelling gear.

We swam around for hours admiring the absolutely picturesque coral, fish and various other wildlife that was dwelling within this part of the ocean.

After a couple of hours swimming around one side of the island, we decided to venture to the other side. Whilst we were swimming around, we encountered a giant stingray that sauntered on past us as if we were fellow ocean dwellers that he needed to pay no mind too. 

Once we had finished our snorkelling expeditions we came back on the small amount of land that this island provided for us and sat by our base whilst the ocean waves gently washed back and fourth over our legs.

The island had many many coconut trees on it, but unfortunately most of them had grown so high that there was no way we could get to any fresh coconut unless we climbed.

However, fortunately for us we managed to find a smaller tree with several coconuts growing on it that we were able to reach.

And so, in true "stranded on a desert island" mode, we tore them down and launched them at a rock in order to smash them open. We them drank the fresh coconut water and ate the insides.

I tell you now, no coconut water that you can buy in a shop will ever compare to the taste of a fresh coconut from a deserted island that you have smashed open yourself. 

It was absolute bliss. 

Just like with all my adventures so far, the time then came for us to venture back on board and set sail for our next port.

Or as I like to call it, the next location of my next adventure. 

Next Stop, Moorea


Wednesday, 2 December 2015

Travel Diaries: Bora Bora

An island I had heard so much about.
An island who's natural beauty could bring a tear to the eye.
An island that will always hold a special place in my heart.

The beauty of my job at the moment is that I can go to bed in one exotic location and by the time I wake up I am in another stunning location somewhere else in the world.

When I wrote about my experience of Papeete in my last post I expressed how I didn't think it would be possible for a place to have natural beauty that could surpass that of Papeete.

But that was until I stepped off the boat in Bora Bora.

We were fortunate enough as a cast to be given some time off to recooperate our minds and bodies from an exhausting rehearsal period. 

It just so happened that we were in Bora Bora for this period. 

And so we stepped off the boat into another small boat that took us to this magnificent island.

As we approached the island there was an island local who was in a canoe boat. As we trailed through the ocean towards our port, this local used the waves that our tender boat was causing to gain speed and ultimately do less rowing. 

Then finally our feet felt something that we hadn't felt for a while.


We stepped off on to the island of Bora Bora. 

With no idea of what to do or where to go, we spoke to some locals who suggested that with the time that we had off ship, we should visit a nearby beach and also swing by the world famous restaurant "Bloody Mary's". 

And so we did just that. 

The beach was simply one if the most beautiful places I have ever seen in my entire life.

The water was crystal clear and you could walk for miles out into the ocean without the water rising above your chest. 

We swam, we snorkled, we drank the local beer "Hinano" and we appreciated every single second because it was one of the first times we had stepped off of the ship since being on board. 

Woefully we eventually left the beach and headed back towards the ship. But we briskly visited Bloody Mary's just so we could achieve the bragging right of being able to say we had been there.

Shortly after our day off in paradise, we were headed back to ship, ready to tackle the remainder of our rehearsal and install period. 

But with each new day is one new place, one new adventure, one new memory and one less day until I am re-united with my boyfriend.

Next Stop: Rangiroa


Saturday, 31 October 2015

Travel Diaries: Papeete

I've heard the phrase "It's a picture postcard setting" a thousand times before and I'd never really appreciated what it meant.

What does a place need to have in order to qualify to be considered "Picture Postcard" worthy? 

What does it mean to be like that? 

Where can I find a place like that?

I didn't think these places actually existed.

Until the day I woke up in Papeete, Tahiti.

After completing six weeks of rehearsals in Los Angeles myself and the cast boarded a plane who's next destination was Papeete. 

Eight hours flew by and we arrived at our hotel around midnight Papeete local time. 

Exhausted  and deschevelled from our fligh, we decided it would be a great idea to drop our bags into our room, throw on a bathing suit and go for a midnight swim in the hotel pool.

The pool itself was an infinity pool that backed straight on to the ocean.

As we swam, the pool was illuminated by the full moon and the stars that were lighting up the clear night sky above us. 

Not a cloud could be seen and we swam underneath an idillic twilight.

To top it off, a shooting star went whizzing by as we looked out over the infinity pool into the calm, inviting and somewhat terrifying black ocean that was twinkling with the sparkles from the moon.

I didn't think this place could get any more beautiful.

Then the sun came up.

As we excited the plane, I over heard a man saying to someone "Welcome To Paradise" and I could not agree more with him.

There is no other way to descrive this place other than paradise.

The pictures I have taken don't do just how phenomenal it was.

To be standing in tropical heat, looking out into the ocean, seeing beautiful mountains towering above the skyline way up into the clouds is just something I never thought I would get to experience.

I sat on the edge of a little wooden dock that was located on a small island attached to a walkway from our hotel, my feet dangling over the edge mere inches away from the ocean and I just stared.

I didn't make a sound. 

I felt at peace. 

There was a light breeze which soothed the heat from the sun. 

And I looked out into the ocean and thought to myself, " So this is what it means to be in a picture postcard setting. This is what it means to experience paradise. This is what it means to be at peace."

I am so far away from home right now but being in paradise gives your mind and you sould a sense of ease that I have yet to experience anywhere else.


I can't believe how fortunate I am. 

Next Stop: Bora Bora


Tuesday, 27 October 2015

Travel Diaries: Los Angeles

I arrived here emotionally destraught.

From the moment I released my boyfriend from my grasp is the moment that it all hit me.

This was actually happening. 

I spent the next 12 hours from checking in, to getting my seat on the plane, from take off to landing, to arriving at my apartment or "new home" feeling every single emotion possible. 

My brain and my heart were fucked. 

I didn't know where to place myself.

When you up and leave an old life to pursue a new adventure, you don't know what's going to happen.

I didn't know what to expect at all.

I didn't know whether this rollercoaster ride was going to be all I had thought it would be, or whether it would be just another carousel journey. 

I didn't know how incredible it would be. 

My time in Los Angeles is coming to an end and I'm due to leave for Tahiti on Monday where I will board the ship (or new new home for the next couple of months), the only thing I feel that is appropriate to blog about is my LA highlights. 

These past six weeks have been phenomenal. Never in a million years did I expect to be waking up in Los Angeles and going to work. And not only that, to actually be waking up in my dream job is just insane.

I have been so fortunate to be blessed with some experiences I will treasure forever.

To make it even better, this is just the first part of my adventure. For the next few months I will travelling to some of the most phenomenal places in the world.

And so here begins the portion of my blog for the next couple of months that I have chosen to title as

"My travel Diaries"

Chapter One

Los Angeles

Adventures In Hollywood

I arrived here on a Sunday. I worked from Monday straight through to Saturday learning routine after routine whilst simultaneously battling jet-lag.

On the Saturday night, I ventured out with a big group of people who I had only known for a week to West Hollywood. I would love to be able to tell you in specific details exactly what West Hollywood was like but, unfortunately I was too blind stinking drunk to remember the majority of it. So my experience of West Hollywood goes as follows:

Limo Ride
Vomiting in a bag of crisps (chips)
Ending up in a club called "The Abbey"
Then being home

So a great night all round.

The next day, as I battled a severe hangover, I ventured into central Hollywood with my cast mates to see the walk of fame, the Hollywood sign and to just generally see Hollywood in all it's glory.

I got to meet two drag queens who I had watched on Rupaul's Drag race, Laganja Estranja and Alyssa Edwards and I got them to record a special birthday message for a special friend of mine who is back in the UK.

My adventures in Hollywood have been nothing short of amazing. 

Half Day? Let's go to the beach

One day, my cast & I were fortunate enough to be given half a day off of work because of an event that was being hosted by Princess Cruises that all of the staff who are operating the rehearsal spaces were invited to attend.

On this extremely gorgeous day, myself and a couple of my cast mates ventured to Santa Monica beach.

The beach itself even though fairly crowded, was a stunning beach. (Remember i'm from the UK so anything with sand and no immediate signs of rubbish and/or public sex acts is a bonus).

The sand was the perfect temperature where it didn't feel like you were walking across hot coals to get anywhere. The sea was a crisp chill-to-the-bone temperature that perfectly complimented the blistering heat from the sunshine.

We ventured on to the Santa Monica Pier. A 100-year-old landmark attraction that has been featured in multiple films, music video, video games and television programmes.

To accompany this beautiful half-day off, we returned back to the apartments and I cooked a big fajita  meal for my cast.

It might just seem like a day at the beach and then a group meal but, these experiences mean so much more when you are living your dream.

Theme Park Fright Night 

The first day I arrived here I walked out of customs and I was greeted by a sign that said my name on it attached to a woman. She took my bags and I got in her car and she drove me to my accommodation.

Just before we took the last turning on to Magic Mountain Parkway, she turned to me and said "On your right just here, is the theme park Six Flags. If you get the chance to go I highly recommend it."

Obviously I responded "Oh yeah that sounds awesome I will totally try to go."

I kind of said it in a throw-away-just-making-conversation type of way and I never really intended to go because I thought I wouldn't have the time.

A few weeks passed and the next thing I know is I am waking up early on a Sunday morning and jumping in a car who's destination is Six Flags.

It was an extremely hot, extremely sunny and extremely humid day. One of those days that is so hot that all you want to do is nothing.

However that didn't dampen our spirits and determination to ride as many of the rollercoasters as we physically could.

Not only were we fortunate enough to be able to ride so many of the rollercoasters and have an amazing day, but at night the park turns into a halloween fright fest attraction.

There are zombies and creatures galore running around the park trying to scare you and scare mazes open for you to walk around and essentially get shit scared.

We spent almost twelve hours in that park getting the most for our money and having an all around great experience.

Not a bad way to spend a day off is it?

Leaving LA Richer

When running a blog it's easy to forget what you have actually written about. You focus so much on the most recent post and the content within that you often forget what posts you have written several weeks or months ago.

One post that I remember writing (and when I say remember writing I truly mean I actually remember the time and place I wrote it) is THIS ONE . To summarise, it's basically my philosophy on how talking to people you have never met before is one of life's greatest gifts. The ability to talk o a stranger and make a genuine connection with them without the pressure to do so is amazing.

For example a lot of people would just make connections with the people they work with, just because they are forced to make these connections because of the environment they're in.

You make connections with people in a class because you're forced to within that environment.

However, when you open your mind to being able to make connections with people who you have literally no ties with and you don't find it "weird" or "creepy" then a whole world of possibilities opens up.

Here's my story.

I arrived here and suffered with jet lag. I was awake and ridiculous hours of the morning and no matter how much I tried, I could not get myself back to sleep.

And so what do most people in today's day and age do when they're bored? They turn to social media.

It's 4am and I'm wide awake in a completely alien environment.

And so I begin talking online to a stranger.

The conversation flows and with each notification of a new message, we learn a little bit more about each other.

It turns out that this individual I'm talking too is actually in a relationship.

Suffering from jet-lag for a couple of days this tending to repeat. He'd be up for work on his commute and I'd be up from jet-lag and we'd just occupy each other.

It felt nice.

Eventually, I Facebook friended both halves of this couple and we spoke on there as a group.

A few weeks past and they went on vacation so I wasn't able to talk to them as much as I had wanted too.

Eventually, when they came back, it occurred to me that we had been speaking for a couple of weeks and I felt like I knew them relatively well and they knew me relatively well but..... we'd never actually met each other.

And so....I went and met them.

And....I couldn't be happier that I made that decision.

We spent several hours just talking, getting to know each other, having a few drinks, laughing and just generally having a nice time. I felt good. I felt happy. I felt like these two people who were essentially strangers had the potential to become very good friends of mine.

I felt this strange sense of comfort from them both.

In terms of personality and relationship dynamics, the parallels that they have to my own relationship were uncanny.

It came up in conversation that whilst I was out here in California, one thing that I had wanted to do was to visit DisneyLand.

As fate would have it, it turns out that one half of this duo worked for Disney and was able to sign us all in to both DisneyLand and Disney California Adventure on one of my days off.

I couldn't believe it. 

Two people whom I had no ties too were offering to provide me with an experience that I had hoped I would get to do. All from the kindness of their hearts.

And now I get to leave LA not only rich in experiences but also rich in the sense that, I have made two hopefully life long friends and it all came from talking to strangers and being open minded enough to give meeting them a chance.

If anything, this is the one thing I will treasure above anything else from LA.

Next Stop: Papeete, Tahiti


Friday, 9 October 2015

Another day another dollar

So it's been a while since I last posted and to be honest I have kind of struggled with the "bloggers guilt" of not posting. 

I feel bad because I haven't posted anything in a while and I feel like I have almost let people down. Which is ridiculous because realistically, I haven't.

But I thought I would give you a little insight in to why I haven't posted anything and what life has been like for me for the past month. 

I arrived here and the day after, with jet-lag and all, I was in the studio learning the first number of our first show.

I say "First Show" because we have five to learn. For the six weeks that I am in LA, I learn one show a week. On top of all of that we have to learn five other extra little numbers or shows. 

It's a lot of lyrics to learn and an insane amount of choreography to learn. 

From Monday straight through to Saturday I am in the rehearsal studio from 8:50am to 5:30pm. 

We get one day off a week to do whatever we want.

A lot of people have asked me "So what is LA like? Is it amazing?!" and I'm like 

"Well yes obviously LA is amazing and obviously I'm having an amazing time but, the reality is I pretty much see the inside of my apartment and my rehearsal studio for the majority of the time I have been here"

So, as much as I have wanted to blog about all these experiences I have been having the truth is I'm here to do a job.

Just like anyone else's job, I wake up, I go to work and I come home. 

Yes it's the job I have always wanted and yes I am in an amazing place and yes I am soon going to be travelling all around the world whilst simultaneously doing the thing I love.

But for now, I'm just a boy doing his job.

However, I get to wake up and say I love my job, which is what I have always wanted to do.


Monday, 21 September 2015

The City Of Angels


Where do I even begin?

A week ago, I left my life in the United Kingdom and boarded a plane to Los Angeles.

The morning of my flight I cried for several hours because I was devastated about leaving my boyfriend, my puppy, my friends and my family. All the time I was airside I pretty much cried.

To be completely honest my crying only seemed to subside when I sat down on the plane in seat 65H.

For the next 10 hours and 35 minutes, the people sitting next to me indirectly became my support system.

It's always a gamble whenever you take public transportation on your own that the person you are going to be sat next to will be a complete asshole. Thankfully I was extremely fortunate.

I sat next to a couple who lived in Southampton. Going to University in Winchester, I knew we had a lot in common that we could talk about.

In between watching Inside Out, Poltergeist, The Spongebob Squarepants movie and Spy, we spoke at lengths about work, travel, my boyfriend, our plans for the future and just general life.

Then after clearing customs in LAX, they were gone from my life.

I've written about it before HERE but I absolutely love meeting strangers and talking for hours to then never see them again. It's one of life greatest gifts.

Of course I could've tried to connect with them on social media but, sometimes it's nice to just meet people, connect with them and then never see them again.

I arrived at LAX and as I walked out of the arrivals section I was greeted by a woman holding an iPad with the words "HARRY CASELLA" displayed on them.

I hopped in a car with a woman who was originally from Brazil and moved to LA. Again, we spoke in depth about so many things and then when I got out of the car the the apartment complex, or my new "Home" we hugged goodbye and were to never see each other again.

I stumbled up some stairs with two suitcases in hand and eventually found my room. I was greeted by two out of three of my new flatmates. We chilled out for a bit, went in the hot tub together as we got to know each other then went to bed ready for my first day of rehearsals.

As I write this, I have completed six days of rehearsals from approximately 9am-5:30pm and completed 1 out of 6 shows.

This entire week has been a complete whirlwind. 

I have been on a night out in Los Angeles which started off with an hour long limo ride.

And today I got to visit central Los Angeles and see the walk of fame, the hollywood sign and so many other amazing sights. 

This is such a small wrap-up of my first week but there is just so much to say that it is hard to know exactly how to write it all down without boring you all.

But just know, I am having the time of my life and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

If my boyfriend and puppy were here with me, I'd feel completely and utterly complete.

One day we will see the world together.


Thursday, 3 September 2015

365 days later

On the 29th of August last year I wrote my very first blog post and launched this blog. 

In that post I re-told the story of how me and one of my closest friends were in a swimming pool one day and we made a promise to each other that we were both going to be successful one day.

"I was put on this earth to do more than this. I was put on this earth to succeed."

"I just feel so frustrated like...I feel like I have so much within me that I just want to explode out of me but..I don't know..I just feel like it has to IT HAS TO HAPPEN because if it doesn't..there's nothing else I can do"

"I will ensure that we are successful. I swear by it. One way or another me and you will achieve everything we have ever wanted and more and I will not stop until we have both got it."

"Thing is, you've just got to think, i've been through some shit times and life hasn't been the best all the time but screw it i'm going to achieve my dreams and I don't care what anyone thinks of me"

I started this blog just over a year ago. 

One year ago I was a University graduate with a First Class Degree in Contemporary Performance/Performing arts who was just about to embark on a journey to the renowned dance academy the "Urdang Academy".

One year ago, I was taking a leap of faith into completely unknown territory and after a recommendation from my mum, I decided to document my life and my thoughts over this past year online for everyone to read.

One year ago, I had no idea where I would be or what I would be doing.

In just over 365 days my life has spiralled into something I am extremely proud of.

One year ago I started writing this blog to document my journey towards achieving my goal. 

My goal was to get a job in the performing arts industry.

One year later, I'm about to leave my retail job to fly out to LA and then go on board a cruise ship for four months.

In just one year. I have achieved my goal.

I made a promise to one of my best friends that I would succeed and I am overwhelmingly thrilled to be able to say that I have kept that promise. 

365 days. 
12 Highlights. 
1 goal achieved.

So what's next?


Tuesday, 25 August 2015

The Reality Of A Dream Come True

"I bet you are so excited"
 is the phrase I have heard the most since finding out about my new job.

The opportunity to travel the world, do what I love and get paid for it has been handed to me, of course I am excited.

However, excitement isn't the only thing I have been feeling. To be completed honest with you, it's actually one of the last things I have felt. 

Initially, I felt guilt. 

For those of you who know me personally and those of you who happened to have followed my blog, you will know that I have been in a long term relationship.

My relationship was completely unexpected. I didn't go to university with the aim of falling in love, in fact it was the last thing on my mind. But fortunately, someone extremely special walked into my life at the right moment and just like that, I fell for him.

At the start of our relationship almost four years ago, I turned and said to him, 

"There are so many things I want to achieve in my life. First and foremost I want to be a performer. Second to that I want to travel the world. And finally, I want to have a family. I will put the chance to achieve my dream career before you, before my family, before anyone and anything because there is nothing more I want to do and if you are okay with that, we will work."

I figured, may as well be completely honest and lay everything on the table.

I said all of this with a kind of 
"It's okay it will never happen anyway so there is no need to worry" 

From then onwards all through university, Urdang and even still he continues to be my biggest support system. Without him, I have no idea where I would be right now. No-one knows me as well as he does. No-one makes me feel the way he does and No-one can get between us. 

Batman and Robin.
Spongebob and Patrick.
Ash and Pikachu.
Harry and Damien.

So when I heard I was going to be away for five months, I felt so guilty. Guilty that I would be having this amazing experience without him. He hasn't done anything to make me feel guilty, in fact he has been so excited for me. But I can't help but feel guilty that I am leaving him after everything he has done for me. 

If I could pack him up and take him with me, I would. 

Second to guilt I've been feeling somewhat undeserving. 

Im the type of person that in one breath, I can be the biggest most arrogant little shit on the planet. And then in the next, I crumble underneath this feeling of being unworthy and undeserving of anything.

I don't understand why out of the thousands of people that have auditioned for this job, I have been picked.

Why do I, at twenty-two years of age, get to have the job I have always dreamed of? 

Why do I deserve this any more than anyone else? 

Why do I get to do what I love for a living?

I just feel like I don't deserve it. I feel like there are so many more people out there that deserve this more than I do. So why me? 

Don't get me wrong I am extremely excited. It's just since the initial excitement has died down, all these other thoughts and feelings have been creeping in and I can't help but pay attention to them.

I feel nervous.
I feel guilty.
I feel undeserving.
I feel ecstatic.
I feel upset.
I feel elated.

A whole plethora of feelings is whirling around inside of me.

Until the moment I step on to that plane to LA, I don't think i'll really know exactly how I'm feeling.

I just need to remember that as much as this experience is all that I have wanted in life, I wouldn't be there without the love and support of my friend, my family and above all else my boyfriend.

It's just another way of getting the blocks to build our lego house together.