Sunday, 1 March 2015

I'm Gay, Therefore I Don't Want Children

You know, as a gay man, I've never really given serious thought to the prospect of having children.

I mean, i've thought about it and yes, of course I want my own child. But it never really hit me the idea of actually having one until recently.

I was sitting on a train, it wasn't too packed infact it was relatively quiet and as we pulled up at our next stop this heterosexual couple got on. Carrying their child. They sat down across the aisle from me, but on the other side of the table, so they were in plain sight. I looked over as the father of this child was cradling it infront of him and thought "aww that's cute". Normally I would pass that thought off with a shurg of the shoulders and return to my own little bubble, but as I looked a while longer, the mother leant over and was whispering melodic babble to the child in an attempt to hopefully draw out a response from it. I looked upon this couple for a good couple of minutes and I felt like I had got a snapshot into what my life could potentially be if I were born into another sexuality. This couple were obviously in love and they seemed so ecstatic to have a living breathing example of their love. 

I nearly cried.

For the rest of the journey my mind was whizzing around with thoughts of my own life. 

Why is it that you don't see more same sex couples with children?

Because I was born gay, does this mean that my primal want to reproduce and pass on my genes is gone?

Will I ever actually have a child of my own? 

One of the questions that I am asked pretty frequently is "Do you want kids?" and I always find this quite a strange question. It's as if people assume that I have chosen to be gay because I don't want children. Neither of which are the case. Just because my sexual preference doesn't point to the traditional way to reproduce doesn't mean that my want to have my own child isn't there. 

Recently an article has been surfing the internet about the future possibility of creating babies with the genetic material of two men could be possible in two years. Obviously there are major social and ethical implications behind creating genetically modified humans that needs to be considered, but I couldn't help but almost be elated at the thought of this being possible. 

In theory, me and whoever I decide to have a child with, could both genetically be the father of our baby. 

But, I still can't help but feel that my want to have a child is almost shoved aside because of my sexuality. One of the reasons I didn't come out earlier is because I didn't want to disappoint anyone at my in capability of having a family.

I guess this is where the issue lies. 

We are not bought up knowing that same-sex couples are able to have children. We are taught the way that heterosexual couples can but the ways in which same-sex couples can is completely ignored. It's as if from a young age we are subconsciously being told that it is impossible. 

It is very rare that you see same-sex couples in cartoons, tv shows, magazines, books etc with a stable functioning family. Don't get me wrong, I know full well there are a couple of exceptions to this, but the fact that it is not as normal to see as it is to see heterosexual couples having a family is where the issue lies.

And it's becuase people fully believe that if you expose children to images of homosexuality they will try to emulate this lifestyle. Monkey see, monkey do. I find this profoundly ludicrous. 

So, you can't show a loving family involving two people of the same-sex because you think it will make people gay, but you can reel out countless cartoons using guns, weapons, machinery to over power and beat up other people and that won't teach children to be violent and/or abusive? 

I guess overall I am pretty angry that I wasn't bought up knowing that the ability to have a child isn't restricted to heterosexuals. It's hard to pull yourself out of a pre-conditioned mind-set, even at 22, when i'm fully aware that it is possible. I'm angry that even now, I see heterosexual couples with babies and I feel a somewhat longing and jealousy that I won't be able to have that as easy as they can. 

I hope for the future that this is changed because it isn't fair that a large population of the human race feel like their primal instinct to reproduce is lost purely because of their sexuality. 

By not educating a tolerance to same-sex couples with a family, you are ultimately teaching an intolerance.