Thursday, 6 August 2015

I Am Blessed

I don't know why and I don't know how it happened but recently, my passion for writing blog posts has just been non-existent. 

I have stared and stared into my computer, into my notebook, into the backs of my eyelids, into the tiles on the wall of my shower, into my sink, into every place imaginable to try and think of something, ANYTHING to write about.

And nothing was happening.

No words were flowing. 
No sentences were forming.
No idea seemed good enough, worthy enough, to be written about.

I don't blog about fashion or make-up or pop-culture or anything that is a relative constant in this world.

I blog about my life.

My last post was about the struggles I have had with this, which you can read about HERE

But something very very special in my life has been bought to my attention.
I don't know why, but I never really thought anything of it until recently.
It's something that, until it is flagged up to you by someone or something, we tend to take for granted.

And that is how blessed I am.

I spend a lot of my time feeling down about many things. 

My body.
My dreams.
How I feel like my life is going nowhere.

The usual things. 

But, recently it has come to my attention that I am actually extremely fortunate.

I'm not sure if you are away but, very recently it was Brighton Pride. A weekend of celebration where you are encouraged to not only embrace who you are, but to also be proud of it.

Be it, lesbian, gay, bi-sexual, transgender or whatever lifestyle or sexual orientation you have. Just be proud of it.

Anyways, it was Brighton Pride. 

A couple of months before this event, I had been speaking to someone online who initially messaged me on Tumblr.  We became connected on most social media platforms and just spoke to each other on the odd occasion.

I'm the type of person who will quite literally talk to anyone. I don't care who you are, what you look like or anything, I will most probably have a conversation with you anywhere.

So we spoke for a while and I mentioned that pride was in a couple of months.

Next thing I know, tickets were bought, travel was booked and the countdown to pride had begun.

It's not everyday you invite someone you have never met to come stay with you for a weekend and to some people, the idea of that is utterly ludicrous...but.....I don't know something just felt right.

Before I knew it, pride weekend was here. 

With nerves and anxiety to meet this person pretty high, me and my boyfriend travelled to the airport to pick him up after the seven hour bus journey that they had just ensued.

Long story short, the weekend went amazingly and this person was a great addition to the overall experience of the weekend.

But the thing that has made me realised how blessed I am is the following. 

I spend a lot of time thinking that my life is pretty boring, pretty mundane, pretty grey. 

I moan about the area I live in. 
I moan about the job I have. 
I moan about a lot of stuff.

But after speaking to this person a lot about where they live and their life etc it has made me realise that....contrary to my life is pretty damn alright. 

I'm not saying that this persons life is so undeniably awful that it makes my life look great. I don't mean that in the slightest.

What I mean is, sometimes it takes someone to literally hold up a mirror to your life to make you realise that things aren't always as bad as they seem.

I am blessed to have a loving boyfriend.
I am blessed to have loving friends.
I am blessed to actually have a job.
I am blessed to have my health.
I am blessed to have been raised somewhere that isn't as prejudice against my sexuality as some places.
I am blessed to still be breathing.
I am blessed to have access to clean water.

I am blessed in so many ways and I just tend to focus on the negatives. 

Instead of focusing on what I don't have, I need to be appreciative of the things I do have all the while aspiring to achieve more. 

I saw a quote a while ago that read:

"Don't compare your reality to someone else's highlight reel."

I'm going to aspire to create a reality for myself that I am proud of. 

But meanwhile, I am so grateful for the people and the things in my life right now.