Monday, 17 August 2015

The Post I Have Always Wanted To Write

When I started this blog, I didn't know what the hell I would write about. I just took inspiration from something in my life each week and wrote.

But there was always one post that I knew I wanted to write. I just never thought I'd get the opportunity to do so. 

That post is this post.

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be on stage.

It might sound like a cliche but there's pretty much no other way to word it. 

When I was around fifteen years old, the world of dance was bought into my life and since that moment, I have dedicated my life to achieving my goal of being a dancer.

When people ask me what I do, I have always begrudged telling people that I am a "dancer". I never felt like I had any sort of leg to stand on (excuse the pun) because I never felt like I had achieved anything with it. 

Yes, I lived and breathed it for the past years of my life. But I never felt like I was worthy enough to call myself a dancer. I had never been paid for it, never got any professional credits, never really been known as a "dancer".

The best way I can describe how I feel is, imagine you managed to jump start a car when the battery is dead. You wouldn't suddenly call yourself a mechanic.

Imagine you water some plants for a neighbour. You wouldn't suddenly call yourself a professional landscape gardener.

You paint a wall. You wouldn't call yourself an interior designer.

Just because I have danced in productions, shows, classes etc I never really justified callig myself a dancer.

But something out of the ordinary has happened. 

A couple of months ago, like a couple of hundred others, I attended an open audition for Pricess Cruises.

With eyes as wide as my anxiety level high, I entered pineapple dance studios and let whatever was meant to be, take it's course.

After several exhausting rounds of choreography, I found myself being surrounded by only six other boys. 

In the blink of an eye, it had gone from a significant amount more to only six.

After another intense session of learning choreography, we were asked to leave and told that we would all hear our fate soon, regrdless of if it were good/bad news.

A week of high anticipation and lack of sleep ensued. Until one morning, after my alarm tore me from my slumber to go to work at 5:00am, I checked my emails and low and behold there it was.

The email I had been waiting for. 

....a no.
....I got a no.
.....I wasn't successful. 

To say I was gutted is an understatement.
I know in this industry, you have to get used to knock backs pretty quickly, trust me I have had several.

 But they never get easier.

It's hard to not get your hopes up when your dream career/job is within seeming touching distance. 

Nevertheless, I had to pick myself up and carry on.

Carry on going to a job I didn't enjoy.
Carry on motivating myself to go to audition after audition, continuously falling at the same hurdle, never quite getting that break.


7th of August, 3:29am, an email landed in my inbox that has quite simply flipped my life upside down. 

In the next couple of weeks, I am moving to LA. I stay there for a month, then get on board a cruise ship and sail around the South Pacific, Panama Canal, Hawaii, Mexico and the Carribean. 

Not only this, but I am also doing what I love whilst having this insane experience. 

It's quite difficult to articulate exactly how I'm feeling.

I started this blog as a way of documenting my journey towards a career in the performing arts. I never in a million years thought I would be writing the post saying I had actually achieved the exact job I have always wanted.

It's ridiculous.

I get to travel the world, do the thing I love and get paid for it.

How many people can turn around and say they do a job that they whole heartedly enjoy?

I guess....I guess now I can.

And I guess I now am what I have set out to become.....A dancer