Sunday, 29 March 2015

I Was Not Put On This Earth To Pay Bills And Die.

You wake up.
You travel to work.
You clock in.
You clock out.
You repeat this on the next shift.

And the next shift.
And the next shift.
And the next shift.
And so on...

I am certain that if you truly question whether you are happy in your job or not, the answer isn't exactly what you'd want it to be. 

If you speak to most people and ask, "What did you want to be?"
I bet their answer would be something entirely different to the career/job they are in. 

Most of the time, people stick with jobs they aren't fully satisfied with because:
"It's money, isn't it. Bills need to be paid, family needs to eat, I need to live."
And it's true, we work to be able to live.

The lucky ones are the ones who are doing what they love whilst having the added luxury of getting paid for it. 

But something I realised recently is that, being in a job that isn't my dream job, is possibly the best thing that's happening to me right now.

It sounds bizzare.

Right now, I am doing something that I am not completely passionate about for the time being, just to be able to live.

And yes, quite simply, it needs to be done. I get that.

But I realised recently that I can use this to my advantage.

I can be so sure in my mind that this isn't what I want to do with my life, that it keeps my passion for my dream alive. 

A lot of people struggle to know what they actually want to do with their lives, let alone what they don't want to do.

And I can be thankful that I have found something that I am certain I don't want to do. 

This is why not being in your dream job right now can actually be a blessing. 

When you wake up from the clockwork repetative-ness that is a 9-5 job where you aren't intellectually challenged or stimulated and realise,
"This isn't actually what I wanted to do with my life"
You can kick start again.

Kick start the drive towards your dream. 

I wasn't put on this earth to pay bills and die.

I was put on this earth to achieve greatness and that's exactly what I plan to do.

And this fact keeps my beating heart on fire to achieve my dreams.

Don't get me wrong, when I'm there, I give my all to it because I don't believe in doing anything half-arsed. Besides, it's not fair on the company if I am turning up and getting paid for doing nothing. So when i'm there I make sure I am doing everything I need to do and more because that's just the sort of person I am. Regardless of if I want to be doing it or not, It needs to be done.

I am also extremely thankful that I actually have a job. I know in todays day and age, for some people it is extremely difficult to get work, so the fact that I am blessed enough to have the opportunity to earn a living isn't something I take for granted. And to top it off, the place where I work is staffed by some of the most amazing people I have been fortunate enough to get to know.

My job itself isn't bad. In fact it's far from it.

The issue lies within me. It's just I can't help but dream big and aspire to achieve my dreams. 

But not being in your dream job right now can be one of the greatest things, if you use it in the right way. 

Use it as a way to keep your dream alive.

Turn the negativity into positivity.


Friday, 20 March 2015

Supporting Your Support

Why is it, that the majority of the human race are solely incapable of being happy/proud of someone, who isn't their relative or lover? 

You get a job, some are happy for your success, some are bitter.

You get a good grade in a test, some are happy for your success, some are envious. 

You post a picture online to show how proud you are of your changed physicality and suddenly, everyone is a professional critic. 

Is anyone nowadays actually capable of being happy for anyone's success other than their own? And if they are, are they truly happy? 

So in response to the fact that I think it is ludicrous that people are incapable to be happy for anyone else's success, I want to take this time to express how proud I am of a couple of people I know. 

The following people show no shame in being my support systems and I know they are truly happy for me when I succeed. So I want to take this time to show my appreciation.

To Paul Tindle,

Through school me and paul were close friends. We shared some extremely funny moments together that I hold incredibly precious to me. Paul was one of the first people to speak out his support for me when I came out and it meant the world to me. Since then, I have seen Paul blossom into an incredibly sensitive and loving man that I am honoured to have as a friend. His hard work and determination to succeed and provide for his loved ones is unfathomable and I will stand right beside him when he achieves his dreams.

To Hannah Randall,

I have never know a person to have such an immaculately precious heart and soul as Hannah. She is quite simply the most loving and caring person I know. She can make you feel like you are unstoppable, like you can achieve anything, like you are the greatest person on this earth. Partnered with this endless amount of love and support that is effortless for Hannah, she is blessed with an extraordinary mind capable of over-coming the hardest obstacles. She is one of the most intelligent people I know and she has worked her ass off to achieve that. I was fortunate enough to see this strong woman walk proudly towards her First Class Degree and I found it especially difficult to not cry because I was so proud of her. She always says she is my #BiggestFan but the feeling is entirely mutual. 

To Barny Boon (Keyori)

It's hard to know what is actually appropriate to write when it comes to re-living our memories together. All I know is that still to this day, he can have me crying with laughter via a simple facebook message. It's difficult to find people who can actually make you laugh out loud through a computer screen. Barny dropped out of school after realising it wasn't for him and after being greeted by a barrage of abuse for his life choices and who he finds attractive, he has risen to be an extremely successful youtuber. I have sat back and watched his growth and it has been a pleasure to watch his success climb and climb. Due to both of us being ridiculously busy, it's hard to find a time for us to talk. But I know he's there. I know if I truly needed him, he'd be there.

To Katie Oldham (Scarphelia) 

To be completely honest, I think Katie would appreciate fewer words. I don't shy away from regularly letting her know how proud I am of her. In my heart we have this mutual " I know" relationship and that is all there is too it. Unfathomable amounts of love, support and pride packed into a simple "I know". 

So Katie.. I know.. and you know. 

These people aren't the only people I am proud of. I am extremely proud of every single one of my friends and I don't want any of them to think that, just because I haven't mentioned them here, doesn't mean Im not proud of them. 

But I just wanted to take this time to express how proud I am of every single one of you. 

I will never stop supporting you because I know that your support for me is indestructible. 

I think more people in this world need to start being happy for others, instead of jumping at the opportunity to critique them. 

Envy is a terrible thing and i'm tired of being subjected to it. 


Saturday, 14 March 2015

Coming Out Is The Best Thing I've Done So Far

Do you ever get that moment in your life where you stop and think, how did I get here?

I don't mean in the sense of, you have no idea how you got to your destination and you don't remember your physical journey, I mean in the sense of how you got to that certain point in your life.

When you look back at the journey you have made through life. 
Where you began and where you are now.

I had one of these moments recently.

As I have let you guys know, I moved into a new flat with my boyfriend of three years. And it might seem a bit strange but this caused a nostalgic response in me that had me whizzing back through the story of my life and how I got to where I am now.

And to be honest, there is one pivotal moment that has got me to where I am now.

Coming out.

As I have said before, i'm not really a big fan of the whole "coming out" fiasco, however, the world that we are living in seems to dignify this as a right of passage for homosexuals to have a remote shot at being considered "normal" in society. 

But, coming out truly was the best thing I have ever done with my life. 

When I look back on my life, especially in school, and I see this 16 year old with a false bravado of self-confidence trying to fight the world to prove them wrong, I feel sorry for him. I spent so much time battling with my thoughts and feelings because I was sick and tired of people telling me I was gay. 

All my life I had 
"You're Gay" 
"When are you going to come out?!"
"Fuck off are you straight"
"If you don't come out as gay i'll eat my hat"

I knew I was, everyone else knew I was, but I was absolutely sick of people telling me what I was before I even had the chance to become okay with it in my head.

So I fought it.
I tried desperately to be something I knew I wasn't. 

And it ate away at me.
The only thing I can think to compare it too, is like trying to kick an extreme drug addiction.

It becomes something that consumes your entire life and no matter how much you try to fight it, something is fighting back determined to not let you be. The only difference is that in time you can kick a drugs habit, but you can't change your sexuality. 

So when I look back and I see this child being crippled under the weight of something he so desperately wants to change but quite simply can't, I think, thank god it changed. 

But how? How did I manage to change from this person into the man I am today. 

Two things.

1) I thought to myself. 

"Harry. You can either spend the rest of your life, your possible only chance to walk this beautiful earth living a lie. Or you can pluck up the courage, accept who you are, life your head up high and proud and walk this earth giving no mind to what anyone thinks of you. And maybe, in time, be happy."

2) I fell in love with someone. 

So when I sit, arm in arm on our new sofa in our new flat with my boyfriend of three years. I can look back on my life with admiration. 

Admiration for the courage I had.
For the strength I had.
For the people who supported me every single day. They didn't even need to say anything, they just treated me exactly the same as they did before I came out. Because, I am the same person. Just more comfortable in myself. 

For the journey my life has taken to get me up to this point. 

Coming out is different in every single circumstance. But if it is something you are struggling with or you think someone might be struggling with, then I want you to take some courage from this. 

People spend too much time worrying about what is wrong with them instead of being proud of the lives they were blessed with. 

This is also my way of saying that if anyone who reads this needs to talk to anyone about anything like this, my inbox is always open. 

I will never shy away from anyone who needs a helping hand with sexuality.

Lord knows I wish I had some guidance.

So as I conclude this post, I recommend to anyone that they take a moment to reflect upon their journey through life so far and be proud of who you are now compared to where you've been. 

For me, coming out changed my path and it was the best thing I have done with my life so far.


Friday, 13 March 2015

Moving Out & Moving In

There comes a time in everyone's life where they feel the need to move on.

To spread their wings.
The flee the nest.
To grow up.

Whatever way you want to word it, it happens to everyone.

An exciting time in anyone's life.

Moving out.

Now, wind back to 2011. A wide-eyed 18 year old is packed so tightly into a car with his parents, his food for a month and all of his belongings,  that he spends the majority of his journey with his faced pressed firmly up against the window. 

With the help of some of the students already there, looking to earn some money, we unloaded all of my belongings into my prison cell (my room). 

The story of my time at university, is another story, but wind forward now to the present day. 

I left university in 2014 with a first class degree and a first class boyfriend and we have been living together, under my parents roof, ever since. 

However, quite a pivotal moment is just about to happen in our journey through life together.

We are moving in together.
Just us.
No parents.

Who would have thought that a boy who was so terrified to accept who he truly was all through his school years, is now able to proudly stand up and say:

Yes, I live with my BOYFRIEND and yes, it's entirely okay and YES, houses are built but homes are created through love. There is no dictionary definition as to what can and can't be a home. A man and a woman, a woman and a woman or a man and a man, every single combination you can get can still create a home. Because this move isn't just about the freedom of our own place away from parents, it's about starting our lives as a proud homosexual couple who live and love together. 

So to anyone who believes that a man can't lay with a man, I say honey, we've just forked out enough money for a new sofa bed so we are going to damn well use it and sit, slay, sleep, eat, everything on it. 

Gender doesn't define a home. 
Gender doesn't define love.


Sunday, 1 March 2015

I'm Gay, Therefore I Don't Want Children

You know, as a gay man, I've never really given serious thought to the prospect of having children.

I mean, i've thought about it and yes, of course I want my own child. But it never really hit me the idea of actually having one until recently.

I was sitting on a train, it wasn't too packed infact it was relatively quiet and as we pulled up at our next stop this heterosexual couple got on. Carrying their child. They sat down across the aisle from me, but on the other side of the table, so they were in plain sight. I looked over as the father of this child was cradling it infront of him and thought "aww that's cute". Normally I would pass that thought off with a shurg of the shoulders and return to my own little bubble, but as I looked a while longer, the mother leant over and was whispering melodic babble to the child in an attempt to hopefully draw out a response from it. I looked upon this couple for a good couple of minutes and I felt like I had got a snapshot into what my life could potentially be if I were born into another sexuality. This couple were obviously in love and they seemed so ecstatic to have a living breathing example of their love. 

I nearly cried.

For the rest of the journey my mind was whizzing around with thoughts of my own life. 

Why is it that you don't see more same sex couples with children?

Because I was born gay, does this mean that my primal want to reproduce and pass on my genes is gone?

Will I ever actually have a child of my own? 

One of the questions that I am asked pretty frequently is "Do you want kids?" and I always find this quite a strange question. It's as if people assume that I have chosen to be gay because I don't want children. Neither of which are the case. Just because my sexual preference doesn't point to the traditional way to reproduce doesn't mean that my want to have my own child isn't there. 

Recently an article has been surfing the internet about the future possibility of creating babies with the genetic material of two men could be possible in two years. Obviously there are major social and ethical implications behind creating genetically modified humans that needs to be considered, but I couldn't help but almost be elated at the thought of this being possible. 

In theory, me and whoever I decide to have a child with, could both genetically be the father of our baby. 

But, I still can't help but feel that my want to have a child is almost shoved aside because of my sexuality. One of the reasons I didn't come out earlier is because I didn't want to disappoint anyone at my in capability of having a family.

I guess this is where the issue lies. 

We are not bought up knowing that same-sex couples are able to have children. We are taught the way that heterosexual couples can but the ways in which same-sex couples can is completely ignored. It's as if from a young age we are subconsciously being told that it is impossible. 

It is very rare that you see same-sex couples in cartoons, tv shows, magazines, books etc with a stable functioning family. Don't get me wrong, I know full well there are a couple of exceptions to this, but the fact that it is not as normal to see as it is to see heterosexual couples having a family is where the issue lies.

And it's becuase people fully believe that if you expose children to images of homosexuality they will try to emulate this lifestyle. Monkey see, monkey do. I find this profoundly ludicrous. 

So, you can't show a loving family involving two people of the same-sex because you think it will make people gay, but you can reel out countless cartoons using guns, weapons, machinery to over power and beat up other people and that won't teach children to be violent and/or abusive? 

I guess overall I am pretty angry that I wasn't bought up knowing that the ability to have a child isn't restricted to heterosexuals. It's hard to pull yourself out of a pre-conditioned mind-set, even at 22, when i'm fully aware that it is possible. I'm angry that even now, I see heterosexual couples with babies and I feel a somewhat longing and jealousy that I won't be able to have that as easy as they can. 

I hope for the future that this is changed because it isn't fair that a large population of the human race feel like their primal instinct to reproduce is lost purely because of their sexuality. 

By not educating a tolerance to same-sex couples with a family, you are ultimately teaching an intolerance.