Friday, 29 May 2015

Ten Thousand Views

It's very rare that I actually take note of how many hits my blog has got, I tend to check it maybe, once every couple of weeks. 

And even then I try not to read into it too much. 

To put it simply, sometimes people are interested in what you have to say, sometimes people aren't. It's just the way it is. You can plug your content all over every social media platform but the bottom line is, if you have good content, the readers will come. That's just the harsh reality of blogging. 

Now i'm not saying my content is any good. In fact I try to not even attempt to level my blogs content. I simply write what I have to say and then I post it. 

But something that I never ever thought would happen, seems to be happening.

People are reading this. 

I know it sounds ridiculous. 

I publish these posts, I promote them on facebook, twitter, tumblr etc and they sit there on the internet for the world to see.

But I never expected anyone to even click on my blog and take an interest, let alone actually read my content. 

To me, my blog is like my diary. It's just on the internet. If anyone has ever kept a diary, the thought of someone reading it is practically mortifying. In a way I kind of feel the same, however instead of it being mortifying, I just don't expect anyone to pay me attention because there are so many blogs out there.

And so, when I logged on and decided to check my view count, I was completely blown away. 

Ten Thousand Hits.

TEN-motherfucking-THOUSAND hits.

To say I was speechless. Is an understatement. 

I never, in a million years, expected to get this kind of response to my little online diary and I can honestly say, from the depths of my stone cold heart, to anyone who has ever given my blog or my posts some time from your day...thank you.

Thank you for giving my journey to my dreams, my thoughts on life and my journey through this world some attention. 

I didn't ever expect this to happen and I am having an amazing time writing this, discovering new blogs and connecting with so many people who share the same passion for creativity through writing and media that I have. 

You know, articulating how thankful I am is extremely difficult and I'm trying to avoid waffling on (which isn't really working) so i'm going to just end this post with a simple, whole hearted emotional,

 Thank you.


Tuesday, 26 May 2015

The Perks Of Being A Blogger

I'm sure every single person reading this who also has/runs a blog, has at some point had someone question or even question yourself:

"Why Do I Blog?" 

What is it about pouring my heart out into a virtual diary that is seemingly addictive?

What do I even have to say that is remotely interesting?

Why do I enjoy setting deadlines for myself that I don't actually have to adhere too?

Where is this going to take me? If anywhere?

These are just a select few of the questions that I battle with when I question the reasons as to why I blog. 

To be honest, I don't think I have found a definitive answer. There are several reasons as to why I blog.

But so far I am yet to see a negative to blogging. 

I unknowingly entered a world where the vast majority of user are extremely willing for you to not only do well, but who are also interested in the content that you are creating. 

I didn't know that the "blogging universe" was a thing until I started. And I didn't anticipate that I would be as actively involved with it as I am nowadays. 

And like I say, I am yet to find a negative with my experience of blogging. In fact I have been relatively lucky with the positives that I have been receiving lately. So I just wanted to take this moment to show my appreciation for the little things I have encountered so far that make running a blog worth it. 

1. Anonymous messages of appreciation 

For those of you who follow me on Tumblr (which, unless you have an appreciation for naked men, pokemon, RuPaul's Drag race, gay porn, shameless pictures of myself and things I find hilarious, then I don't recommend you do) You will see that, from time to time, I get anonymous messages from people I have never met before. 

And, although support from your loved ones is always hugely appreciated and means the entire world to you, there is something about kind messages from strangers that seems to outweigh all other support. I guess it's because these people have no ties to you, no real reason to actually be nice to you, and so the fact they have chosen to go out of their way to show you support, is a little bit mind-boggling. 

What's even more amazing, is when these people are saying that you are inspiring them and I really don't know how to articulate my thank you to the people who have messaged me the following:

2. Immersing yourself in the blogging community can sometimes result in the most unexpected things.

Until I started blogging and getting more and more into it, I never really realised that "giveaways" were a thing. "Why would anyone want to just give something away? Wouldn't you rather just sell it?" 
These were the questions I asked whenever I saw that someone was giving something away on their blog. 

But then it hit me. 

The blogging world works in a way that, in order to help yourself, you must help others. 

The way the real world should work.

If you do giveaways on your blog, people are interested in what you're giving away and what type of blog you run.

For example, if I see that a blog is doing a giveaway, i'm always intrigued to see what type of person it is that is simply giving something away to a stranger for free. I guess it kind of reflects on you. If you're willing to do something selfless, you will be seen as a selfless person. I mean, granted if you keep people to tweet about the giveaway then you're drawing traffic to your blog, but regardless you are still giving away an item simply for someone visiting your blog. 

So recently, I entered a giveaway. 

Whenever I enter competitions or anything like this, I never expect anything from them. 

That's not me being pessimistic. After rejection after rejection when it comes to the outcome of auditions, i've just learnt to not get my hopes up so to avoid disappointment.

However, this time I was not disappointed. 

I entered This competition  conveniently located on one of my favourite blogs run by the fabulous Jess, which you can find HERE . 

The competition was to win a t-shirt from the clothing line EPHRAIM LONDON, who have an amazing collection of clothing for both men and women that you can find HERE .

And...much to my surprise and delight....


It caught me completely off guard and I was so happy to receive my prize: 

So thank you to EPHRAIM EBOAH for teaming up with Jess and gifting me with this amazing t-shirt. I absolutely love it.

Ultimately, blogging and the world of blogging is something that I have recently discovered. I am learning so many new things about blogging and about the whole community that I had never anticipated.

I didn't start this blog to become a professional blogger and to be honest, I don't think I ever will be. But I am having an amazing time learning about it. 

The perks of being a blogger are as limitless as you want them to be. 


Thursday, 21 May 2015

The Re-Construction Of Burnt Bridges

I swear I live in this constant state of hypocrisy when it comes to my thoughts on life. 

But this has to be the worst. 

One of my worst/best personality traits, is my ability to cut people out of my life in the blink of an eye. 

I say best/worst because, I do think as much as it might seem like a negative, it actually is quite a positive too. 

Here's what I mean.

I could be your best friend, your rock, the one you rely on and your shoulder to cry on. I could trust you with all my secrets and vica versa. We could go through so many things together and still be unbelievably amazing friends. We could spend all our time together, laugh and cry together and plan to conquer the world together. 

All of this and more.


The second that something comes between us, for example, we have a big argument and scream every profanity under the sun at each other, I can cut you out of my life in an instant. 

I'm not talking the pety things like, block you on facebook, unfollow you on twitter and all that bullshit. 

I'm talking, literally I will never see or speak to you ever again in my life. 

Regardless of everything that we have been together, the years of friendship will immediately become almost non-existent. 

As much as it might actually be killing me inside, I will completely disregard that and just cut you out of my life. 

And, I don't actually view that as negative. I think far too many people latch on to friendships because they are too scared to let people go out of their lives. 

Someone you thought was your best friend could suddenly be a completely different person to the one you thought you knew, but because you've tallied up years of friendship with them, you feel a somewhat duty to continue the relationship. 

However, like I said, this is my best/worst personality trait. 

As you can see, I can quite easily do it and for a while it doesn't affect me. I don't feel anything other than resentment for that person for a long time. 

But there comes a time, when a lot of time has passed, where I actually get upset over the lost friendships.

I actually hate having bad blood between people. 

I hate the thought of me passing someone I used to have a lot of time for in the street and getting that immediate pang of anxiety in my chest.

To look at the floor thinking " fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

And after all this time has passed and the dust has settled, I always want to try and re-build the burnt bridges. 

But the problem is, because it takes so much time for me to be able to actually see the light and not be such a heartless arsehole about it, too much time has passed to actually be able to reconstruct a broken friendship.

So I end up extending the hand of friendship, to have it thrown back at me, which ultimately is what I did in the first place. 

Now I don't know if anyone that I have done this too is going to/will ever actually see this. I'd honestly be shocked if they did. But they know who they are. 

And they know where I am if they ever wanted to work things out. 

Like I have said, it's my best/worst personality trait because I am able to flush out the negativity from my life very quickly. But time passes and I am then left longing for a chance to fix these broken relationships.

And now I'm at a point in my life where the reconstruction of burnt bridges is something that I am wanting to do.


Tuesday, 19 May 2015

My First Blog Nomination #LiebsterAward

A while back (which I apologise for, I've just been crazy busy) I got a notification on My Twitter Account saying that one of my favourite blogs to follow had nominated me for the #LiebsterAward .

The person who nominated me was the lovely Steph, who's blog is awesome and I would recommend you go and give it a visit over HERE and I have had a lot of fun answering the questions that she put forward for me. So thank you so much for the nomination Steph!

Now this is a little different to most of the posts that I put up on here, but I figured, why not have a little bit of fun and try something new. 

What is the Liebster Award? 
This award is given from one blogger to another and it appears to help bloggers to spread the love for their fellow bloggers (especially bloggers who are new to the community, like myself)

What are the rules? There seem to be different rules depending on who has nominated. Here are the rules that Carina used in her blog post, it makes sense for me to use the same ones, I guess! 
  • Thank the person who nominated you and link them
  • Answer the 11 questions that were created for you by the person who nominated you
  • Nominate small blogs that you love, deserve the award and have less that 200 followers
  • Create a new set of 11 questions for the people you have nominated and notify them via social media or their blog.

Steph's Questions & My Answers

1. Why did you start blogging? 

I started this blog because I had reached an extremely poignant time in my life. A University graduate with a first class degree in contemporary performance/performing arts under his belt. Who was just about to embark on his next adventure after achieving a place at renowned dance academy "Urdang Academy" for a year. So I chose to start a blog to document my thoughts/feelings as I try to stamp my foot firmly in the seemingly ever closing door on my dreams.

2. Did you have any New Years Resolutions this year? If so, what were they and have you kept any of them up?

I actually wrote a post on my new years resolution this year, which you can find HERE . I don't tend to set a New Years Resolution, I have a checklist of things I want to achieve in life and each year I aim to tick off one of those things or at least work towards it.

3. Where's your most favourite place in the world?

To be completely honest, I don't feel like I have seen enough of the world yet to choose my favourite place. I have been blessed and seen some of the world but there is still an overwhelming amount left for me to explore. So for the time being, the place that has drawn out the most emotional response from me is New York. 

4. If you could recommend a book to anyone, which book would it be? 

I would recommend anyone who hasn't to embark on a journey through the world of Harry Potter. These books have meant an incredible amount to me throughout my life and to be honest, they were the first books that ever got me interested in reading. I think the world has been blessed by J.K. Rowling and her ability to create this world and I would hate for anyone to miss out on the ability to be transported into that universe. 

5. Describe yourself in 5 words.

  1. Determined
  2. Motivated
  3. Sassy
  4. Opinionated 
  5. Passionate

6. Who is your inspiration in life?

I don't have one main inspiration. I like to draw inspiration from a number of sources to then use a mix of the best qualities of each. For her integrity, determination, ability to be brave and ability to challenge the norm, Lady Gaga. For her ability to love herself, to truly believe she is the greatest and for her " I don't give a fuck" attitude, Nicki Minaj. For his ability to change the way you look at the world, Banksy. For her empowering ability to stand up for what she believes in, Beyonce. For her ability to always see the best in people, my dear friend, Hannah Randall. For her ability to not let the world create you, but rather let you be in charge of your creation, Katie Oldham (Scarphelia). 

7. Do you have any hobbies? If so, what are they?

I would normally turn around and say stuff like "acting, singing, dancing' are my hobbies but to be honest, they have become a way of life for me rather than a hobby. I guess things like, blogging, playing video games, swimming, exercising, spending most of my time on social media etc are now my hobbies.

8. What's your favourite food?

Chicken. Literally you can give it to me in most forms and i'll eat it.

9. What are you passionate about?

I'm passionate about achieving my dreams. I'm passionate about standing up for the pride I have in my sexuality. I'm passionate about art and music. I'm passionate about my boyfriend and i'm passionate in the belief that if anything is meant to be then it is entirely up to me.

10. If you were a type of biscuit, what biscuit would you be and why? 

I would be a chocolate digestive because I can appear to be one thing on one side, but flip me over and i'm completely different. 

11. Would you rather burp bubbles or fart glitter? 

If it were possible for me to be anymore fabulous, I guess i'd fart glitter. 

My Nominations

It would seem that I don't actually follow anyone with under 200 followers, So instead i'm going to nominate two of my favourite bloggers. The bloggers that I am nominating are Alice Gostick  and Katie Oldham

My 11 Questions

1. Where do you see yourself in five years? 
2. If you had to, would you rather give up every other form of social media such as Facebook/Twitter/Instagram and get to keep your blog, or would you give up your blog and keep the rest?
3. What is your favourite book and why?
4. What is your most and least favourite item in your wardrobe? 
5. What do you want to achieve by the end of this year?
6. What's your favourite season?
7. Live without shoes or live without underwear?
8. If today was your last on earth, how would you spend it?
9. Relaxing Holiday or Adventure Holiday?
10. If you were a bag of crisps, what would you be and why? 
11. Would you rather be invisible or be able to fly? 

I look forward to seeing your responses!!


Thursday, 14 May 2015

You Can Either Fizzle Out, Or You Can Shine.

I wrote on my Facebook Page a couple of weeks ago, a little life update. A kind of summary of where I am at this precise moment. This is what it said.

"So here is the deal with my life right now. As you are all aware, I have just completed eight months at the Urdang Academy. Whilst there, I auditioned for a three year course at performers college and one at Urdang itself. I have been blessed with a place at both of these prestigious performing arts colleges. However this success is bitter sweet.  Although I am fortunate enough to gain a place at these colleges, unfortunately I was not successful in gaining funding for these places at the time being. To be honest it is literally heart wrenching. To be so close to achieving something you have wanted and worked so hard for, for eight months, to have it handed to you but not be able to access it, is awful. The fact that I have the ability/facility to go to one of these establishments but I'm unable to do so because of money, is a hard pill to swallow.
It took my a couple of days to digest it. 

It took a mini breakdown.
It took my outstanding boyfriend giving me a firm talking too, to realise, that it isn't over.

Yes. The money isn't there yet and it probably won't be, I probably won't be returning in September. That might sound pessimistic, but to be honest, I'd rather come to terms with the worst case scenario to avoid disappointment. 

But that doesn't mean that my dream is over. 
It just means that I need to knock on that door even harder."

To me, the final words of this are the most important part of the whole thing. 

I am refusing to give up on my dream.

Right now, clawing my way out of the slump that comes when you are presented with a challenge in life, is my main priority.

And...i'm okay.

I'm actually okay right now. 

It's weird because my outlook on life and my self-esteem when it comes to achieving my dreams has two states, it's either:

I'm queen of the world and i'll slay everything . Nothing can stop me and I dare anyone to get in my way.


I hate my life, i'll never amount to anything, is there any point anymore. I'll just live my life being semi-satisfied but overall miserable. 

The latter is the one that i've been fighting for recently.

The turning point of my mental state towards my dreams actually came to me when I was at the gym.

I was on the treadmill battling my way through a 5K run, listening to my music, looking out the window at the passers by and it hit me. 

When faced with looking into the abyss of nothingness that seems to be your future, you have a choice.

You can either fizzle out, or you can shine. 

That's it. 

I can either choose to let this world swallow me up and dampen any sort of spirit I have, or I can fight it.

I don't know if it's just me, but when I was younger, I used to love going under my bed covers and pretend that I was fighting through some sort of jungle as I tangled myself up in the quilt. It would be up to me to get myself out (Even though quite clearly this is a simple task). I felt like an explorer, and getting out of that quilt as it tried to intertwine me into it's world was the greatest achievement.

And, I kind of view life like that. 

There is so much negativity and so many things trying to put us down and tell us what shit people we are that it's hard to not actually believe that yourself. You can get lost in the duvet that is life.

Or you can fight it. You can get yourself out of that imaginary jungle and stay on top.

That's where I plan to be. 

Thursday, 7 May 2015

No I Can Not Be Your Gay Best Friend

I'm pretty sure, near enough every single gay man has had the words:

"You can be my gay best friend"  said to them.

I don't quite know where to begin with this "term of endearment". 

In all honesty, the moment someone says that to me, I tend to instantly feel almost a direct hatred towards them.

Okay, maybe HATRED is a bit strong...but's a passionate dislike. 

They could be my kindred spirit in diguise but the moment that phrase is uttered to me, I just switch off. I pay no attention to what else they have to say. I pretty much count down the minutes until our encounter is over so I can continue my life without them in it. 

And it's not just once, this has happened multiple times on multiple occasions. Admittedly, more frequently on nights out, when people are drunk and aren't particularly mindful of what they are saying. But it has also been said to me many times when sober.

When i first came out I kind of adored this phrase because, as with most people when they come out you just seek acceptance, and to me this phrase felt like someone was accepting me.

The fact I was gay and the fact someone actually regarded that so highly that they wanted to be my best friend because of it.
After years and years of hiding my true self, how could I not feel that this was the greatest thing on earth. 
I could finally be accepted and loved for who I am.

However, as the years have gone by and I have lived a comfortable life as an out and proud homosexual male, this phrase has started to become one of the most aggravating things anyone could say to me.

And at first, I didn't quite understand why I was beginning to get frustrated by it. Like I said, I initially thought that nothing could be better than being someone's "Gay best friend".

But the more that people said it, the more it took it's toll.

Then it clicked. 

If you approach someone and claim that they can be your gay best friend, you are implying that you are almost trying to fill a quota of friends you should have in order to be socially acceptable.

 It becomes like a shopping list. 

You should have a gay best friend
A black best friend
An asian best friend
A girl best friend
A transgender best friend

and so on...

You are literally implying that you have been searching everywhere for a gay person to latch on too so that you can almost claim that they are yours. We could literally have absolutely nothing in common, but because I am gay, suddenly that means I have gained, almost....approval, to be your friend.

That you have rooted through all gay men and suddenly found that I, ME, Have the privilege to be YOUR best friend.

But why is this? 
Why is it that people think it's something that you need to search out? 
Like I said, a quota that you must fill? 

Is it what we see on television? Take the TV show "Will & Grace" for example. Do people see this and try to emulate a relationship that they grow to like in TV characters?

Do you want a best friend who is gay so that you look like you are accepting of homosexuality to the outside world? 

What is it about being a homosexual that makes us so appealing to be made as "best friends" to people? That makes us an accessory that people feel almost obliged to seek out?

Have you also noticed that nobody ever approaches straight people and says


So why is it seen to be acceptable for people to do this to homosexuals?

Take it from me, the people that I am the greatest of friends with, have never said this.

They've never claimed that I could "Be their gay best friend" because they want me to be their friend as a person. My sexuality is meaningless to them, which is exactly the way it should be.

And I guess, other than the fact my best friends are the most amazing people in the world, that this is a key contributing factor as to why our friendship is so secure.

In a world where homophobia is still an issue most homosexuals just want to feel accepted for who they are. To find people who want to be your friend regardless of if you are gay or not, is one of the most beautiful things.

But to have people approach you and almost demand your friendship because of your sexuality, is just as degrading as receiving homophobic abuse.

When it comes to homosexuality, you could be the most accepting person in the world, but to objectify someone to be your friend because of their sexuality, is just as offensive as being homophobic

Overall, if you're one of those people who thinks that having a gay best friend is the must have accessory of the season, you should probably just stick to the circle of friends you already have.