Wednesday, 15 July 2015

I will not lose to anyone. Esepcially myself.

Recently, I've been really struggling with writing this blog. 

I have spent hours & hours staring into the terrifying white void that is the "blank page" with absolutely no idea what to write or how to fill the page with life. 

To be honest, I really have no idea why I've been struggling.

The dreaded writers block has been plaguing me for weeks. 

My blog is a reflection of my life. I blog about the things I do, the things I feel, the things I want to be and everything I want to say in between. I see my blog as a diary of my life. So in the near future, instead of scrolling back and seeing what I bought from Primark, what tea or coffee made me feel fantastic or what make-up makes my skin looks flawless, I can see almost a log of what was going on at a certain time or what I was feeling at a certain time in my life.

For as long as I run this blog, I will blog about things that are personal to me. 

So to have writers block when writing about my life, you can imagine just how stressful that can be. 

I've had so many questions flying around my head:

"If you're writing about your life and you have nothing to write about, what are you doing with your life?"
"What exactly ARE you doing with your life?"
"If your content is lacking, surely your life is lacking something?"
"What is it that you are lacking?"
"How can I make something happen to write about?"

I have been plagued by all these questions and more for so long that it has just spiralled me deeper and deeper into a slump with absolutely no idea of how to write my way out of it.

Until it hit me.

Everything is my fault. 

And I'm okay with that.

The thing is, I am writing about my life and for the moment, nothing particularly grand is happening right now.

I'm not going to lie and over-exaggerate and dramatise something small that is going on in my life for the sake of this blog. Other than this blog being about my life, I also pride this blog on the honesty with which I write.

Nothing particularly interesting is going on at the moment. 

But here's the thing, i'm aware of that. 

What I mean by "Everything is my fault" is that the reason that nothing interesting is going on, is because i'm not making anything interesting happen.

I can't expect great adventures or great experiences to just appear out of the woodwork, I have to create them. 

I have to chase them. 

Too many people sit around an complain about their lives without actually doing anything about it.
All of us can wallow in self-pity but, in reality, that won't achieve anything.

I can sit and stare at a blank page with nothing to write about or I can go out and create something to write about.

Nothing is stopping me except myself.

I am my own worst enemy, however, I really enjoy winning. 

And I won't lose to anyone.

 Especially myself. 

It's time to get up and make shit happen.


Wednesday, 8 July 2015

Loving Yourself Is An Act Of Rebellion

It's very rare I read a quote that makes me re-evaluate the way I look at, not only the world but, myself. 

Now if any of you reading this (which to be honest I still believe the only way I get hits on this is that my mum sits at home refreshing the page scanning my posts for gramatical errors) have the pleasure of also following me on tumblr, then you may already be familiar with the quote I'm talking about.

That is of course if you can sieve through the perpetuous amounts of half-naked men, homosexual pornography, pokemon images and gifs and occasional drag queen that usually fills up my Tumblr Blog.

However, nakedness aside (well ish, it kind of relates to this in a way) what I saw literally made me stop still in my scrolling and made my mind wander and eventually explode. 

Like I said, it's exceedingly rare that quotes do this for me. A very dear friend of mine "loves a good inspirational quote" and they live their life striving to be the best they can be. Which by itself is inspirational, however, quotes don't tend to have that effect on me. 

Usually it's music, or lyrics (which are kind of quotes in a way when taken out of context I guess?) that do it for me. 

But this time, it was a quote. 

"In a society that profits from self-loathing, loving yourself is an act of rebellion."

For someone who struggles with self-perception and body image issues, I couldn't have been more taken a back by this. 

I know it sounds really dramatic but it quite literally flipped my world upside down. 

All the self-hate that I have been through.
All the comparisson between myself and another person that I have done.
All the gym memberships, new diets, new superfoods etc that I have paid out for.

Was all for the profit of a society that makes a mockery of somebody's struggle. 

And, it made me realise that enough is enough.

No longer will I look at my body in the mirror and look at it's flaws.
No longer will I feel to this, or to that.
No longer will I feel uncomfortable in the skin I am in.

I am over this.

If you follow me on Instagram, you'll notice that I tend to post a lot of selfies, most of which involve me being in very little clothing.

A lot of people question me and say "Harry, for someone who is apparently self-conscious, why do you post pictures of your body all over the internet?"

And the thing is, my answer is this. 

"I post pictures of myself online as a sort of therapy. I'll take a picture of my body and sit there for ages nit-picking which part of it is wrong, or which part doesn't look as good as it should. Then, in order to attempt to overcome the negative way in which I view myself, I post it online. That way, the view I have of myself is no longer in my hands. In a weird way, it's in the hands of the public. And if they view my body in a more positive way than I do myself, then maybe I can work on changing that view. With the help of strangers, I can start the journey to loving myself."

And so, It's time.

It's time for a rebellion and it's time I, and anyone who is reading this with the slightest bit of self-doubt, start loving the skin we are in.

Whatever way you can, with whatever help you can get, I want everyone to start realising that we can't continue going through this one life we get feeling unhappy. We were so fortunate to be given these lives and to waste them worrying about the way you look is ludicrous.

Don't let society dictate the way you should feel about yourself.

Love yourself. 
Beat the system. 

- Harry